There are a bloody lot more marriages splitting up nowadays than there were 40 years ago, and unfortunately, or fortunately, I’m one of the kids whose parents who are in this category. If your parents are divorced too, you can probably relate to this. If they aren’t, I’m sure you’d be interested to see what life is like on the other side.
I must mention however, the purpose of this article isn’t to draw pity or attention, it is purely to provide a different perspective of which you may be interested in, and I believe that it can apply to anyone going through hardships. I must also mention that there are many families where the parents are still technically married, yet it is tumultuous and fragile, and you aren’t alone in your situation. Things do always get better eventually.
Well, the life of a child whose parents are divorced can actually be really different for each and every one of us. Some separations are civil, some are not. And in some cases, one party had no choice. Yet whilst the age of children when their parents may divorce also has a large impact on the differing effect on them, there is generally one common denominator. The underlying sense of abandonment.
In my case, my parents split when I was 12, and just in my first year of high-school. It was a huge year full of overwhelming transition, whether it be meeting new friends, familiarising myself with a new school, or trying not to forget something as simple yet as important as my school laptop charger when I switched between houses, it was bloody huge, that’s all I can say. Mentally draining too I might add.
At the time, I thought that my parents splitting up was the worst thing that could happen in my life. I was completely shattered to say the least, I also reckon I was crying every night for about 3 months straight. I probably averaged about 5-6 hours sleep for that whole year too. Then, losing the family home was extremely hard. The place where all your childhood memories are, it felt like they had just vanquished, it was like someone had died, never to be seen again.
It was pretty horrible for three to four years after they split too. I was always struggling to accept dad’s new partner as my step-mum, possibly I felt I had an obligation to defend my real mum, I’m not entirely sure, but there’s no doubt it was a grief stricken time, compounded by a range of other stressors and events.
This was one of my hardships. And I’ve come out the other side so much stronger. I wouldn’t change what’s happened either, otherwise I’d be completely different, possibly naive to the harsh realities of the world. I firmly believe that each and every one of us have to be approached by adversity and hard situations in order to grow, in order to be put on a path to bigger and better things. So when you are hit with difficult times, rest assured things will get better, you never know what’s around the corner.